In a turn of events that has baffled biologists and furniture salesmen alike, local man John Smith has reported a staggering 10-inch gain in a very specific area after a unique supplement regimen.
John, an avid enthusiast of backyard grilling and moderate walks to the fridge, claims the change occurred after he accidentally used his new “Ultra-Prime Male Vitality” supplement. He was under the impression it was a standard protein powder.
“I just wanted to get a little more defined for beach season,” John stated, now having to sit sideways on his couch. “I mixed a scoop into my morning oatmeal. By lunchtime, I was… well, I was a new man. A very, very prominent new man.”
The change, while personally thrilling for John, has come with a series of novel challenges. His tailor has quit twice, his favorite pair of jeans is now considered a “cap,” and he has accidentally knocked over three separate coffee tables, a lamp, and a small family of garden gnomes.
“It’s a blessing and a curse,” John explained, using the newfound appendage to hold his microphone steady. “On one hand, the confidence is through the roof. On the other hand, I now have to call ahead to restaurants to book a table with adequate clearance.”
Doctors, while skeptical of the supplement’s claimed effects, are fascinated by John’s unprecedented vertical leap, which he now uses to avoid obstacles.
“Medically, it’s an anomaly. Physically, it’s a logistical nightmare,” said John, currently being followed by a team of architects planning his new custom-built home with extra-wide hallways. “But would I change it? Not a chance. I’ve finally found my… edge.”
The manufacturer of “Ultra-Prime Male Vitality” has since released a statement clarifying that their product is, in fact, just finely ground kale.